Everyone wants to be saved, everyone wants things to be equal, everyone wants the world to be fair. Yet nobody can save you, nobody is equal, and the world has never been fair. Yet there is a way to be saved, there is a way to equalize, and there is a way to get your due. Howso? I believe there is a stark and fundamental difference between people who are traumatized and at least understand these truths, and those who are traumatized and either do not know, or worse, refuse to acknowledge these truths. Those who do not see are cursed to suffer even greater, for they are constantly pained not only by the trauma itself, which is horrible on its own, but then they are tormented by the abstractions of equality, fairness, and grace. Nobody can save you, except yourself. Nobody is equal, except we're all equal in our inequality. Nothing is fair, though everything is fair in how the unfairness is dished out. The truth is, we're all victims, and the truth is we're all victimizers. We victimize ourselves by locking ourselves in a stasis, refusing to let ourselves move on, saying to ourselves "Wait wait, let me cook, I think someone is gonna save me, I think things will finally be fair, I think I'll finally find grace." Yet in lieu of action and in lieu of will, nothing happens, you sit there, waiting, suffering, bleeding out, and nothing happens. Nobody comes. Nobody saves you. Nothing is corrected. Nothing is made fair. Nothing is made equal. You are alone. Do you understand this? You are alone. Only you can save yourself, only you can make things right, only you can give yourself grace. There will be no closure, there will be no healing. You can only move on, you are alone. Does it sting? This proves only that you are finally feeling something that you have, up until now, been sorely avoiding, running away from, and papershielding yourself with this nonsensical idea of 'hope', hope in an external force, force for something that exists beyond yourself that can set things right, maybe its God, maybe its a Girlfriend or a Boyfriend, maybe its a Friend, maybe its your Mother or Father, maybe its the next hit of Diamorphine, maybe its the Wire Monkey, whatever it is, its a lie. Its a lie. It is called 'hopium' for a reason, and this devious little IV is being pumped into the veins of many a trauma survivor, this far off belief of an external savior, yet it never comes. This is all by design, you're not -supposed- to get healed, that is how the system is set up to work, just keep going to therapy and keep taking your meds, one day you'll be saved, just have faith. Yet the truth is no amount of Lorazepam or DBT can save you, only YOU can save yourself, only YOU can give yourself grace, we all have -free will-, yet do you understand what this really means? It doesn't just mean that we have the ability to freely make choices based on our own whims and to decide what our whims are, though that is certainly part of it, it is also that we have the in-born God given ability to -generate- willpower, we aren't born with more or less willpower than others, everyone has the potential to have as much or as little as they want, and it is an active choice to have none, made every single day, consciously or not. Will is created ex nihilo, this is what is meant by "Man is made in God's image", for God wrought something from nothing, and so too does Man, will will from nothing. We are all uncarved blocks and the only one holding the chisel is you. Carve, carve, carve!