A Practitioner's Account
by Evelyn Ruut
In January 2005, an anonymous correspondent sent a question to the Buddhist newsgroups: how do Buddhists deal with anger? Is it possible to eliminate it? What is its cause?
Evelyn Ruut, a longtime Vajrayana practitioner, responded not with doctrine but with a personal story. Her teacher had not suggested but instructed her — with "a direct and clear and almost fierce look in his eyes" — to dedicate all of her practice, every hour of meditation and visualization and offering, to the one person in her life she most resented. The instruction was an act of fierce compassion: it forced her to transform justified outrage into genuine understanding of how suffering perpetuates itself across lifetimes.
The essay traces the full arc: from resistance to compliance, from outrage to karmic insight, from viewing the antagonist as a villain to understanding him as a frightened child with less spiritual advantage than herself. The practice worked. The relationship was healed. The person, she reveals at the end, was her father.
This is one of the most honest and practically instructive accounts of Buddhist anger practice in the archive — not a doctrinal exposition but a living demonstration of how the Lojong teachings actually change a practitioner's mind.
The following is a response to an anonymous question posted to the newsgroup:
"How do Buddhists deal with anger? Is it possible to eliminate anger? Is anger caused by being self-righteous? Some people say it's caused by fear. Any help will be appreciated."
Hi,
There are probably many ways. All I can share with you is the method my own teacher offered to me. He claims that the only real antidote to anger is compassion. I have mentioned before on this newsgroup that there was an individual who made my life miserable. Cruel, overbearing, even violent, this person was one real hard case. In my own suffering from this person's actions, I never saw from whence this anger came, but only my own ego-centered, "poor me" oriented, truly justified sense of outrage. My teacher suggested that I dedicate all my practice to that person.
Actually, I need to correct that statement. This gentle man told me — not suggested — with a direct and clear and almost fierce look in his eyes, that I do this.
Imagine how I felt about that? Hours of meditation, of long complex visualized practices, daily symbolic and real offerings — all that merit from all that effort was to be dedicated to that person. What a quandary I was in! Somehow I had no problem visualizing dedication of merit to all beings, but when I was told to dedicate that effort to only one being I had a problem.
Well I had a choice. At that point I had to either listen to my chosen teacher, and bite the bullet, or to reject the entire concept of my chosen affiliation. If you understand what goes into such a life choice, and such a deep commitment to a teacher and practice, you will realize the magnitude of that choice.
Perhaps my faith in my teacher was greater than my ego-centric (albeit by ordinary standards, very justified) anger, but I did it. I gagged on the words, I felt it was distasteful and pointless, but I did have great faith in my teacher, and simply did it. This in my personal experience was the single most moving evidence of the ability of these practices to literally change your mind. Because it changed mine.
From an initial stance of deeply justified anger, of outrage, to deep compassionate understanding of how suffering begins, and how it is perpetuated, and to a powerful commitment to end that suffering here, now, in this lifetime — that was my journey, and I am here to tell you that my teacher was right.
As I practiced, I began to see the person with whom I was angry as a frightened, confused child who had much less in the way of advantages than I had — one who experienced much suffering in his life. In particular much more suffering than I had. One whose entire life-view was distorted, who needed to fight and express anger himself due to intense suffering and pain. I began to see that I had it "better" than he did, since the spiritual damage was much less.
I then began to see my own connection with this individual, karmically, and the relationship that ensued in this lifetime for us both. I began to see the connections over many lifetimes, and how they could perpetuate such suffering, and how the anger could continue, keeping that karmic connection going over time. Somehow my sense of compassionate energy that I generated for this individual took the next step and I began to see how this very kind of anger and pain was a thread that ran throughout time, and in many lives, affecting others too.
I don't know if this sounds trite and "too simple" to you, since it is difficult to express a process that took place in a meditative environment, at the direction of a knowledgeable teacher, who worked with the real me and my real mindset and life circumstances, but I assure you that every word I write here is true, and was born of great effort, and that it was ultimately to the great benefit of many others including myself.
In any case, this practice changed my entire view and mindset. I saw the resolution of this relationship as the key to working with all angers, to all suffering. I saw how the karma it created went from generation to generation, affecting many other people. Finally I was able to dedicate my practices full-heartedly and with love to this person, and I knew that I had conquered a great obstacle in my own life. That was the inner change.
In real life now, this person and I have found new connection. He, no longer sensing my (no matter how carefully hidden) hostility, and sensing instead my genuine care and concern, is different in his treatment of me. From what it was before, has come a new understanding, a new peace. This healing also affected many other people, all those in whose vicinity we live.
The relationship which was healed, was my relationship with my father. Strange how we can hate our parents and fail to forgive them more than anyone else. It has been an enormous peace for me, and my whole family. We all get along better now. Yes, he can still push my buttons. Yes, he is still the same person. Nothing changed him. But I am changed. And with my change, there has been an effect on him. Does that mean I never get angry anymore? Not at all, but it is a lot less often and it has a lot less power over me when it does.
So there you have it, one story of how some Buddhists deal with anger. May my story help someone somewhere to understand a little better.
May all beings have happiness and its causes.
May all beings be free from sorrow and its causes.
May all sentient beings never be separated from sorrowless bliss.
May all sentient beings abide in equanimity, free of bias, attachment and anger.
Colophon
Posted by Evelyn Ruut to alt.religion.buddhism.tibetan, talk.religion.buddhism, and alt.zen on 27 January 2005. Evelyn Ruut was a Vajrayana Buddhist practitioner and longtime participant in the Buddhist Usenet newsgroups. This post responded to an anonymous correspondent asking about Buddhist anger practice.
The practice described is rooted in the Lojong (mind training) tradition, and specifically in the teaching on "taking the enemy as teacher" — one of the most demanding and transformative instructions in the Tibetan Buddhist path. Evelyn's account is valuable not as doctrine but as testimony: a practitioner's honest description of what it actually feels like to apply an abstract teaching to a real and painful relationship, and what it produces.
Preserved from the Usenet archive for the Good Work Library by the New Tianmu Anglican Church, 2026. Original Message-ID: [email protected].
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