by Nuvoadam

On October 16, 2003, a regular contributor to alt.religion.gnostic who posted as Nuvoadam — short for "nuvo Adam," the new Adam of esoteric tradition — wrote this extended meditation on the inner practice of Gnosticism. Beginning from the Cross of Light in the Acts of John (a text in which Jesus teaches his disciples the difference between the wooden cross of crucifixion and an inner cross of living light), the essay unfolds into a syncretic vision of contemplative practice that draws equally from Gnostic texts, Rumi's Sufi poetry, Buddhist diamond-nature philosophy, the Hermetic Corpus, Kabbalistic symbolism, and Egyptian sacred cosmology.

Nuvoadam was a distinctive voice in early-internet Gnosticism: erudite, enthusiastic, often digressive, with a gift for drawing unexpected connections across traditions. This post — one of the longest and most sustained pieces he wrote — represents his fullest statement of what Gnostic meditation actually looks like: a search for the inner Dark Star, the "boiling of the pearl," the diamond crystallized through sustained contemplative effort. For him, the Cross of Light was not an external symbol but a map of the inner journey.

From the Acts of John we learn that Jesus taught the difference between the wooden cross and the cross of light.

The cross of light is where the greater part of ego must be hung up to die. This is where body-attachment ends; we hang it up to dry out like we hang up our coats, having returned home after a hard rain.

This light-cross is our personal diamond nature. Until we find our self-nature, we are Jack, always running about having adventures, fighting dragons and giants, but still always seeking a return to source. There will always be that beanstalk, that Jacob's Ladder. You know the one — in your mind.

"This Jack, joke, poor potsherd, patch, matchwood, immortal diamond
Is immortal diamond."
(Gerard Manley Hopkins, 1888)

The boy Jesus was sometimes depicted in a diamond or crystal snowflake, being born forth by winged angels. The Buddha was also linked with diamonds. He had a special fascination for their form, using the diamond as a unique analogical signifier for a way to break free of dualistic delusion.

"Whatever has form, everything, is delusion." (Diamond Sutra)

"The inherent Buddha-nature is said to be like a diamond, indestructible, pure and empty in itself, but luminous in reflecting the manifestation of energies as rainbow light." (Terry Clifford, Tibetan Buddhist Medicine and Psychiatry)

Let us take care that we do not hoard gravel while letting the diamond slip away.

At other times this inner jewel is depicted as a beveled sapphire. The seeker is the toad who "ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head" (Romeo and Juliet). But this jewel is crystallized only with intent. The Gnostic uses techniques and willpower to crystallize their inner diamond. Before we have become Diamond-Dogs, what does this form look like?

Some call it the Black Pearl. Simon Magus called it the "One Dark Fire."

Jesus said: "There is light within an enlightened person, and it shines on the whole world. If the light does not shine, it is dark." (The Gospel of Thomas)

The Dark Star and the Way In

The snake was represented by medieval Gnostics as the unicorn's horn. Utilizing meditation, introspection, and ascetic eschewment of worldly concerns, the hair-wild man (ego-mind-self) looked within his own dark cave for the unicorn and the white dove. Neither could be attained easily, and only could they be caught with love and knowledge, never by accident.

The horn was the spiral Kundalini force. The white dove which alighted on it was the same white dove which others saw manifest over the head of Jesus as a sign to John the Tishbite that here was the Masshiach.

Phoenissa — the goddess of the Phoenicians, whose symbol was the Phoenix — was also called Asherah, wife of El. The Kabbalah's Asherah is the lower Sophia-Zoe: the Tree of Life. She is the Shekinah. The Shekinah was the Kundalini force; intentfully raising up this force was what Jesus spoke of tongue in cheek.

"See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves." (Matthew 10:16)

The snake in the Garden was the Kundalini. Jesus accused the Pharisees of having this Kundalini Gnosis but hiding it. "The Pharisees and the scholars have taken the keys of knowledge and have hidden them. They have not entered, nor have they allowed those who want to enter to do so. As for you, be as sly as snakes and as simple as doves." (Gospel of Thomas 39)

The Meditation of Rumi

Rumi knew. He knew that his love-poems would be understood by some. He wrote of the meditator's inner search in language drawn directly from the practice:

"You who are not kept anxiously awake for love's sake, sleep on.
In restless search for that river, we hurry along;
you whose heart such anxiety has not disturbed, sleep on.
Love's place is out beyond the many separate sects;
since you love choosing and excluding, sleep on."

"In search of the philosopher's stone, we are melting like copper;
you whose philosopher's stone is cushion and pillow, sleep on.
I have abandoned hope for my brain and head; you who wish for
a clear head and fresh brain, sleep on.
I have torn speech like a tattered robe and let words go;
you who are still dressed in your clothes, sleep on."

Rumi espoused staying awake for three days and nights in meditation. He called the process "boiling the chickpea" — the pearl crystallized through sustained heat:

"The cook says, 'I was once like you, part of the earth.
I drank the fire of self-discipline, fasting and prayer,
and became worthy and acceptable to God.
I boiled long in the world of time, and long in the pot of this body.
From these boilings I grew capable of strengthening the senses;
I became animal spirit, and then became your teacher.
While inanimate, I said to myself,
You are running about in agitation
so that you might be filled with knowledge
and the qualities of spirit.'" (Rumi)

Three days as a dead person, body just lying there. Sounds familiar. The three-day motif runs through every tradition that practices genuine inner meditation, because the experience is always the same: you must first die.

The Bridal Chamber

In the Acts of John, Jesus thanks "those who have saved me from the illusion of the present and guided me into the life which endures forever." This was the Gnostic's goal: to find the Bridal Chamber, which is inside.

The Diamond Sutra tells us: "Whatever has form, everything, is delusion." The Gnostic crosses into the formless: the inner Pleroma.

Rumi wrote of this crossing as a love relationship with a presence inside:

"remember the water of life
is in the dark caverns."

"take this night
tight in your arms
as you hold a sweetheart."

"don't go to sleep
this night
one night is worth
a hundred thousand souls."

The beloved is the inner Diamond. The Bridal Chamber is in Adam's own skull. You must Get In To Get Out.

The Journey

Some call it the Black Pearl. When the Dark Star turns into the White Pearl, we have found her. Here is the Bridal Chamber that Jesus and the Tibetan Buddhists speak of. Here is the jewel, the "treasure" Rumi wrote his love-poems about.

You yawn. The mind starts to drift. Still all thoughts. No thoughts. No thoughts. Concentrate on a single part of this Dark Star and see that it is a lattice of smaller stars. The whole thing is like a tunnel. Focus on the stars and perhaps see this rainbow-funnel.

Keep going towards the center of your Dark Star. This is The Way. Lao Tzu learned of The Way from reading Shang Dynasty documents and taught it to Confucius. One must learn how to grow wings to fly into and through The Great Way. Jesus claimed to be waiting at the center of the cross.

"At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance."
(T.S. Eliot, Burnt Norton)

Rise up. The Victor — the Greek Nikos — turns the lump of coal into a diamond. It takes great heat and pressure. The pressure is just life. The heat? Some say the fires of time burn with a hellish intensity.

When the Dark Star turns into the White Pearl, then we have found her. The treasure is inside.

"If you do not fast from the world, you will not find the kingdom." (Gospel of Thomas)
"This is how you can acquire the kingdom of heaven. If you do not acquire it through knowledge, you will not be able to find it." (Secret Book of James)

When you unite with your higher mind and become the spiritual hermaphrodite, the White Pearl has crystallized into a beveled diamond snowflake form. This is what you see when you meditate. Like Siddhartha, Nirvana will be all around you. Like Jesus, the Kingdom of Heaven will be spread out all around.

First you must unite within yourself.

"When you make the two one, you will become the sons of man, and when you say, 'Mountain, move away,' it will move away." (Gospel of Thomas)

The unity takes place in the Wedding Chamber. The Wedding Chamber is in Adam's own skull.

"Die before you die. There is no chance after." (C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces)

Don't let the Giant win. The key to victory is knowing that forgiveness and love are the ways to grace. That way your sun's rim will never dip to let the dark come striding back.

Remember the cross of light. A beveled diamond.

"I am the dark-advised, the widower, the inconsolable,
The Prince of Aquitaine before his ruined tower:
My only star is dead; and now my jewel-studded lute
Will only bear the blackened sun of Melancholia.

My forehead is red yet with the kiss of the queen;
I have dreamed in the grotto where the siren swims.
And twice I have crossed the Acheron, triumphant..."
(Gerard de Nerval, El Desdichado)

Meditate. Find the Pleroma. Find Nirvana. Find Heaven.

Colophon

Written by Nuvoadam [address removed] on October 16, 2003. Posted to alt.religion.gnostic. Original Message-ID: [email protected].

Nuvoadam was a prolific practitioner-scholar on alt.religion.gnostic in 2003–2004, known for his syncretic approach to Gnostic spirituality and his engagement with cross-traditional sources. This essay connects the "Cross of Light" from the Acts of John — Jesus's teaching that the inner cross of light is distinct from the wooden cross of crucifixion — to Rumi's Sufi meditative poetry, Buddhist diamond-nature philosophy, the Hermetic Corpus, and Kabbalistic symbolism of the Shekinah and Asherah. The unifying thread is a practice of inner meditation in which the seeker descends into darkness to find the "Dark Star" — the inner light-point that, sustained through contemplative effort, crystallizes into the diamond of self-realization.

Preserved from the Usenet archive for the Good Work Library by the New Tianmu Anglican Church, 2026.

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